A whisper from my heart: "Don't be anxious, my dear daughter"

This week I had 3 exams:

15 April: Human Resource Management (HRM) & Chinese Language

17 April: Functional Genomics & Proteomics

I don’t like the schedule, but still must thank Him!

Honestly, I was very anxious. Theoretically, I know that GOD is always with me and my strength comes from HIM alone. So, why am I so afraid? GOD died on the cross and has saved me to eternal life. His love is great and no single word can express how great HIS love is. I know this, and everyone has reminded me this. Then, what’s wrong? Why am I still anxious? There are several possible reasons which I think is quite true:

1. My faith maybe only a cognitive one.

I know He died for me. But, do I really believe in HIM and live a life for HIM?

2. I may not live an integrated life

Before studying and exam, I always pray and ask for His guidance. Yet, during my study and exam process, it seems that I ‘forget’ Him. I hardly remember that He is with me all the way, from the beginning til the end. Thus, maybe it is the 'alone-ness' that makes me anxious.

3. Too ‘take things for granted’

There are countless reasons why I should thank Him. There are many miracles too that He has done. Just to list down some of them:

• -the greatest ‘miracle’ is my salvation. Jesus died on the cross to save me!
• -I recovered rapidly from dengue fever: ~4 days after I was confirmed positive for dengue.
• -I recovered rapidly after dental surgery: 1 day after my wisdom tooth removal, I could already eat rice. *Now I am already healthy and I don’t go to Medical Center frequently anymore!!! =)
• -My quiz was waived through ‘successful appeal’
• -I have great family who believes in Him
  
• -I have great family in Christ in Singapore
  
• -the list can still go on and on!!!

There are also things that make me protest to God, for example:

• -I did super silly mistake in the Chinese Language Exam. I think everyone will never believe that a human can do such stupid mistake, neither do I!
• -I got dengue fever just after recess week. It should have been during the recess week when I was in Indonesia, so my parent could take care of me.
• -hmmm… I cannot think of any other thing..

After reflecting on this and being reminded by many people, I realize that I easily ‘forget’ His overflowing blessings and usually take them for granted. I thank Him ‘once’ for His great kindness. On the other hand, I hardly forget the ‘unexpected thing’. I grudge and grudge when I don’t get what I want.

1 Thes 5 : 16-18

Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Phil 4:6-7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present you requests to GOD. And the peace of GOD, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I should give thanks CONTINUALLY, no matter what happen!!!! This is what GOD wants me to do, I must obey Him! Moreover, He promise peace to me if I obey Him!

4. I don’t want to submit under His authority

Although human beings have free will, everything is under His control. No matter how hard I do my responsibilities, I won’t ever be able to change what God has planned to me, either success or failure.

However, I am sure that even if it’s a failure, it will still surely lead to something good in His big picture.

5. My confidence may be is not in Him

I am not anxious when I walk, take shower, eat, chat, etc as long as the activities are just ‘normal’ ones. However, I can be greatly anxious when facing my great giants (exams, future path, etc).

Jeremiah 17: 7

But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in Him]. Actually, in everything I do, I should have confidence in Him alone.

When I eat, I should depend on His strength. I experience not being able to eat because of a single tooth problem.

When I walk, I should depend on Him. How if suddenly God takes my legs and I am not able to walk anymore?

When I chat with people, I should depend on Him. How if He suddenly makes me mute and deaf?

I cannot do anything without Him. It is only by Him that I can live til now. And all that I do should be for Him alone!

6. I don't have a child heart

Mat 18:3

And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

My discipleship group leader said, "You just need to simply believe in GOD! Simply means that to know He is able and to trust Him wholeheartedly. Although you may not understand why, just believe in Him like a child believes in his father wholeheartedly."

____________________________________________________________________________________

As exams are giants for me, I still have 3 more giants many giants ahead Stem Cell Exam, Pharmaco Exam, MCAT. But one thing that’s for sure:

1 Sam 17:37

The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.

To me, it sounds like this:The Lord who delivered me from Neuro exam and other ‘killer’ exams will deliver me from my giants ahead.

Jia you for those facing the giants!!!
God is our salvation and strength, simply have confidence in Him, and always be thankful!